Monday, October 15, 2007

Rudeness

I've been guilty of it, being blunt to the point of rudeness. I like to be known for being direct. I like to be known for being honest. I also like to be known for being kind.
Someone said something that I thought was really rude to my friend in front of me recently. I wanted to say, "That's rude." or "Could you be any less tactful?" But he didn't really seem all that bothered and I figured he could fight his own battles. I knew if I called her on it her response would simply be, "Well, it's true." or "I was just being honest." I can't argue with that but is it necessary? Do people really have to say exactly what they are thinking?
I want to know your opinions, I want you to be honest with me, I want to know what you're thinking, but not explicitly and not all the time. And I don't want you to be rude to me.
When someone gets a haircut that I don't like, I always exclaim enthusiastically, "Oh, you cut you're hair!" with a smile. I don't lie and say, "Oh, I love your haircut." but I also don't say, "Wow, I liked your hair better before." or "Why did you do that?" I'm not dishonest, but I'm polite.
I think you can be more honest with people, the better you know them, but I need to remember that does not give me the excuse to be rude. The people we know best are really the people we should be kindest to. But I have to warn you that if you go and directly ask my honest opinion, I probably won't sugar coat it much.
I think it's not really bluntness that bothers me sometimes, it's assumptions. I don't like when people assume they know what I am thinking or what I would do in a certain situation or that they know everything about me, even if they know me well, and especially if they don't. Don't tell me why I did something, ask. And don't state your opinions as facts.
Do you ever have people/friends insult your friends or family in front of you? What are they thinking?!! You can agree with me if I point out a fault in my friend/relative, but don't you dare go doing it for me or you've just lost serious points in my book not to mention I'll defend whoever you're talking about.
I also hate it when people tell you things you are already painfully aware of, like when you're tired, sick, or pregnant and definitely looking it.
Two things you should never say to me if you want me to like you:
"You look tired." and
"You're in a bad mood."/ "Are you in a bad mood?" (I am now!)
I consider myself a very curious person, but there are some things I don't want to know and some things I don't deserve to know. I think I need to get better at figuring out how to tell people that it's simply none of their business. And I won't be offended if you say that to me when I get too curious.

Along the same lines, my cousin wrote a great blog yesterday. I call it "What NOT to say to a pregnant woman." I promise you'll be entertained. Find it here.

6 comments:

Nancy Face said...

I say almost exactly what you say when I don't really like someone's hair. With clothes, I try to find something I honestly like about it...such as the color.

I so agree with you about the phrase "You look tired." I hate when someone says that to me because I always assume they mean "You aren't looking so good today!"

Loved your cousin's "Pregnant woman" post! :D

Annie said...

I hope to never offend you. :)

Tori :) said...

Amen to Nancy's comment. There are just some people out there with no tact at all.

Stephanie said...

you are SO right about everything! it's good to be honest, but that doesn't mean you have to be mean.

thanks for the plug.

Kayelyn said...

for two years now I have been teaching the kids I work with to say, "My Mouth Can't Say Everything My Brain Thinks." This has been an attempt to help them censor what they say to stay out of trouble, to not offend someone, to stay out of trouble, yeah you get the point.

I'm all for being honest, but not at the expense of hurting someone just to say you were honest. Sometimes we need to let others know when what they are doing is hurtful, but do we need to say every thought we have in the name of honesty.

Do I even make sense? Can I just end by saying that the whole time I am reading your post I am thinking "You, rude?" My brain can't even think such a thing.

Lauren said...

I'm one of those people that don't say anything...because I am too much a doormat and I am very concerned that everyone like me. It's kinda ridiculous. I envy people that say what they think.